Is exactly how I am feeling lately! Just not myself! real life has been getting me lately, more down than up. There is just so much going on. This comes at a bad time, since I have never been so involved in so many sim projects, between comps, judging and being part of a magazine.
I have been back for a few weeks now from visiting my parents with one of my sisters. It was a bitter sweet visit. I was happy to see my parents and other siblings that live in NC. But was upset with seeing my sister and her "problem" up close really hurt me. She is not only my sister but my best Friend and I love her so much. She has had many misfortunes in her life and has struggled with her children and husband. She started drinking occasionally in the evenings to help her sleep.....over the years it has gotten worse. If she call after 10, I don't answer my phone, she never remembers half of our conversations anyway. While we were away, I saw how much she drank! And how it changed who she was and how she couldn't help it. I could also see in my father's eyes how much it broke his heart as well. It was so bad one evening, that the next morning she woke up and she couldn't look into our eyes as she came down the stairs because of the guilt she felt. We did not judge her but loved her instead.
My other sister who lives there also has substance abuse problems, I couldn't enjoy playing cards with my brother and his new wife because of her obnoxious outbreaks.
My older brother just got served with divorce papers and wasn't expecting it.
My younger brother confessed on facebook that he once again has been addicted to some pill (not sure which one it is this time).
And once again my mother's nodule on her lung grew back and another one came with it. She has less than 50% lung capacity and it is too risky for surgery. Last time they removed it with a cyberknife, but that combined with chemo broke her ribs. At over 70 that takes a long time to heal.
To top it off my husband lost one of his jobs. This is not so bad because he is a retired NYPD and gets a pension. But I went from having him home on just Tuesday to having him home on Tues., Wed., Thurs., and Fri. He is totally throwing me off!
I am sorry for ranting, but it is actually making me feel better!
Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for many things (maybe a new list tomorrow), just my emotions are high. If you have time, maybe you could squeeze in a prayer for my family :) . Thanks for listening.
3 comments:
Hi Sun, I am so sorry to hear all that you are going through. Of course we will send prayers for you and your family.
You can not control what others do, but you can have the compassion to care for them and for love them. Love and compassion are amazing things that shape us and help us love more. Just if you can try not to cross the line from love and compassion to extreme worry and upset because other then continuing to love them there is not much you can do and in the end you will damage yourself with worry. You are a good person with a big heart and i know sometimes that it's easy to get lost in the sorrow when you love so much.
If you can't force someone's hand, just hold it.
Aawww Sun ! *hugs and love*
I will definitely be keeping you and your family in my thoughts <3
Seren and Blair, *hugs* thank you for your prayers :) and kind words.
Post a Comment